The Hidden Barriers to Self-Awareness - The Blind Spots That Keep Patterns Repeating

Awareness is a key stage with any patterns and its associated loops. It is achieved when repeated patterns become emotionally visible enough that a person can  observe  them consciously without immediately escaping, defending, or identifying with them. This usually develops through repetition, reflection, emotional safety, and the ability to stay present with uncomfortable feelings. 

Awareness is simply observing as a third person. Removing "I" from the equation provides a different perspective and ultimately clarity which would have not be able to achieve with self in it.

There are factors i.e., blind spots which commonly blocks it:

• Identity attachment - Individuals adopt an identity in life, it becomes the reason for their existence i.e., the purpose of their life. Individuals make every effort to hold onto that identity, due to fear of being nothing. 

  
  

  Additionally, with adopted identity, we inherit its responsibilities.  Over time, responsibilities can turn into expectations from others.  Every effort is then made to fulfil them, sometimes even going beyond limits. In this process, our self is often neglected. We also sometimes  fail to  recognise mental exhaustion and dissatisfaction that comes from managing others' expectations.  

  
  

  Whilst continuing to  fulfil  obligations, we  occasionally  take on responsibilities, which is  not  ours to carry. This creates a habit loop for others  to rely onto us to perform tasks that belong to them, leading to dependency and ultimately an environment for them to neglect their own duties. For the self, the feeling of needed keeps us in the loop. If an attempt is made to shed this identity often the feeling of guilt emerges, repeating the pattern.

• Distraction - We often overlook things that are unmissable just to protect it from changing. In such situations, we distract ourselves and divert our attention to activities such as holidays, social events, personal goals, scrolling social media etc.  This act of masking the root cause is just avoidance of how we truly feel. It is also a hope that by ignoring a feeling or a situation long enough, it will disappear on its own.  Most times, we are successful as it acts as a perfect means to avoid certain aspects which feel out of comfort zone. Distraction can then often lead to denial. 

• Fear - We are all driven by the fear of “death”. I don’t mean the physical death of the body but death of an identity we carry, death of our comfort zone and death of the life we have built including our material possessions. It is this fear that acts as a roadblock. When a pattern is experienced repeatedly, we act from our intuition, this creates a loop. We believe that because we have followed our gut feeling every time, it is therefore the right decision. But most of us fail to recognise that such intuition is basically autopiloting. When the same response is repeated multiple times, the loop becomes our comfort zone. We will encounter the same problem, and our intuition will respond in the same way and therefore outcome will become predictable. The predictability eradicates the fear of the unknown.

  
  

• Constant stimulation - Individuals require constant stimulation, a problem becomes a reason for waking up in the morning as it requires seeking a solution, it gives them a purpose in life. Without problems, life will be assumed as boring! This constant stimulation however keeps an individual in the repeated loop. If there are no personal issues, some individuals will make others' problems their own, this becomes their stimulation.

• Rationalisation - We live in a world of duality. Whenever there is positivity, there will also be negativity. They are two sides of the same coin. So why do we tend to ignore negativity and focus on positivity only? Do we use it to mask unpleasant things that we refuse to believe in? Do we use it as a shield to avoid the current circumstances and consequently avoid or delay in taking actions? Being optimistic is far easier than gathering the courage to take actions.

  
  

  Negativity should be acknowledged and recognised, it can be as simply as not feeling certain about something or in your heart it just doesn’t feel right. Would it be wise to still seek positivity to avoid believing in it or acting on it? Now, I’m not talking about deliberately seeking negativity but recognising it and not masking it with positivity.  This is how negative loops are created; it is all consequences of inaction in a particular situation. Of course, it is also due to the tendencies that we carry in our subconscious mind. Our brain experiences something and that carries on with us, it becomes part of life until it is changed by us. Therefore, instead of always seeing positivity also account for potential negativity when sensed.  

• Blaming others - It is lack of acceptance towards personal failings and the willingness to change which unintentionally makes individuals accuse life situations and its outcomes. It is also easier to blame others or lack of knowledge than to accept accountability. The mind will continue to find excuses for an unpleasant life encounter until the ego feels satisfied with a particular reasoning. This is due to an attitude of ignorance.  This however limits the individual from taking the step towards breaking the pattern loops. 

• Acceptance - Most people are unaware of the hidden fear inside them. The hidden fears can be losing an adopted identity, fear of the unknown, fear of confrontations etc. The mind will reach a denial stage and refuse to accept the inner fears. Some may even find an excuse to oversee it.

  
  

  The life patterns are a result of our inner fears, or they have been induced with repeatedly choosing the same response to protect ourselves.  Very few people have the courage to take the step into unpredictability and overcoming their fears. It will be stopped at the stage of denial. To oversee past denial an acceptance is needed, and acceptance is also part of fear. If it is accepted by our mind, then there is a fear that an action may be required to overcome it. Though some reaches at the stage of denial after awareness, there are many who fail to recognise the fear. It takes a lot of courage and cognitive part of the brain to enquire the reason for the repeated behaviours and its outcome. What is my inner fear? The enquiry of such question can resolve many of the repeated problems, but the mind is too busy dwelling into finding excuses, acting as a victim and blame others and the universe for their suffering.

• Expression - Sometimes, there is hesitancy in expressing how we truly feel.   There is concern over how our feelings maybe perceived and if they will be understood.   Also, sometimes the lack of patience for others to comprehend our emotional state act as a block.  Most problems exist because we assume that the other person should understand us and therefore expressing ourselves is not necessary.   These assumptions and expectations could block channel for open communication between two people.

  
  

  The mind invents our own conclusion to a situation, which leads to frustration, resentment and eventually withdrawal.  On the contrary, the other person is left confused and is unable to understand change in behaviour.  Communication is key to a fulfilled relationship. It should be equally balanced between active listening and being articulate.   

• Victim Attitude - Humans are  naturally  prone to  complaining, they complain when there is slightest uncomfortableness, to gain sympathy, to fit in with the crowd but most importantly it is because there is lack of gratitude towards life.  This is due to not wanting to accept the situation as it is not what we would have wanted for our personal satisfaction. Our mind over thinks and creates future scenarios leading to stress and overwhelming experiences. Mostly these negative experiences. Through repeated focus we unconsciously manifest unpleasant situations, which then creates a pattern loop.  We  fail to  recognise our own manifestations and therefore we get stuck in a negative loop. A repeated negative experience ultimately causes an emotional trauma which requires conscious healing. The negative loop can be avoided with recognition, awareness and intentional action to break the loop.  Though sharing a negative experience provides relief, constant complaining keeps an individual in the negative pattern loop.

  
  

Individual will hold onto either one or multiple of these factors, which will limit them from choosing a different response, ultimately keep them in the cycle of repeated patterns.

The loop continues until awareness creates a change!